nature at its best...

Sunday, May 2, 2010

uprooted....


dry leaves..rice shifted from fields,erosion of the soil,cotton seeds floating on air,refugees,emigrants,children on the first day of school....
i understand now what all of them go through...a feeling of being uprooted....a feeling of being torn away from your secure core of existence..a situation being forced upon you telling you that you are not a part of this haven any more...whether you like it or not....this haven was never yours in the first place...

earlier in life i had felt this feeling of 'going away'...the day i was sent away with a tearful farewell by my parents...but i was always prepared for this shift as i had been subconsciously conditioned to the scene since childhood...that one 'fine' day i will have to 'go away'....with dreams in my eyes..which were full of tears nevertheless....i felt settled ...in matrimony....

It was a different setting...space..people...things...situations...reactions...known-unknown...i knew i had to live with it...and i LIVED...every single minute i did...i lived with so much energy that i overlooked...dealt ....battled every aversion...every invasion....every downfall...because i wanted to emerge a winner...a winner in the race i had started with myself...a race in perfection...

but all things big and small do not turn out to be perfect...do they...i could battle every external force but unfortunately the 'core' slipped away....i could not hold on to the 'put on' of every thing being perfect for a long time...the elasticity gave way...the rubber snapped...and i got 'uprooted'....
this time the 'farewell' was with dry eyes...'unexpected...shocking...numb...it has disabled me to the core....i no longer recognize myself in the mirror....i don't know if i ever will...i have dry reactions like dry leaves...a feeling of drift like the cotton seeds...,life seems to erode away beneath my feet...houses seem like refugee camps...where is my 'home'????am i an immigrant in my own world???will i ever have roots again????or am i the child whose parents have gone home leaving it on its own on the first day of school???
i am looking around for a familiar face to call my own...is there one left????
i know what 'partition' means....now i do....

4 comments:

Urvazeee said...

i totally relate with you!!! It's the women who have to mould in the new setting every time...is she being taken for granted...why her children, parents, relatives feel: that she will finally adjust. Probably, you are passing through such a situation, believe me, Ma'am..the transition is always difficult...this too shall pass!!!

Lucifer said...

Amazingly put forth. Life, it seems is not without a sense of irony either.
-Shreyas (U might not recognize from the username)

aditi said...

there are many situations in life, radhika, where your reaction is very unlike you. at times, we do it unknowingly, at times, knowingly but out of compulsion.isnt this too a part of what you have said "uprooting"? uprooting yourself from the person you actually you are and behaving how the situation demands.in such situations, you are not yourself- and you are ALONE.
everything, EVERYTHING in life happens for the BEST. and you never know when n where it comes from.....
i am with you.

turboprof said...

oodles of courage!